Very true Mike and I also oquote what you said:

"Always looking back to see, if I am looking back at me. "

There is no other SELF, so there is nothing to see. We look back into memory to see this false self and immediately lose the NOW. We do all things with this ego which is but the shadow of memory, and never see the very SELF casting it's form.

The Christ said "My Father has no shape nor Form". If you are one with your True SELF, there is no other to observe. The Perceiver cannot be the Perceived.

Carnal Mind manufactures images and forms, from the dust of it's own sensuous thoughts.Now it feeds on this "all the days of it's life." Gen 3:14:evil